Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
