god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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