quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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