Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
