Your mouth is God's brothel.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
