I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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