there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
