she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize