I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
