the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
