Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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