If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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