fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
