I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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