if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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