5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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