hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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