You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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