ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i think i have two assholes
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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