I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
