this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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