There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize