you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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