why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
