we're chasing vodka with high fives
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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