We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
