the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
