i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
