Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
