I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I want is dick and wine.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
