Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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