He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
