Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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