I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
