I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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