finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
