her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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