It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
