I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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