Screwed.edu
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
