I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
