Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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