So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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