Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
