They should really pass out barf bags in church
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
