your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
