I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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