we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
