the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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