Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
