bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
