i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
