I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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