the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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