Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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