whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
