It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What a dumb baby whore.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize