Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
