im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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