Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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