I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
