So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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