If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize