Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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