my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
