OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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