Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
