i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
