I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
