good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
