1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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